After ten

Recap: four-months ago, life unraveled.

A separation that had long been on the cards and yet had always seemed so unlikely.

To me at least.

I didn’t think it’d happen, until it did. I thought I could keep on dealing with everything.

Until I couldn’t.

The strangest thing about getting out of a bad relationship is the oddness of feeling good again. How curious happy feels.

Being a lone parent means early starts, school run, work (mixed with a little bit of what can I feed her tonight) bus return, eat, play, wash, bed.

And kids being kids, eight o’clock bed stretches way past nine. One more excuse to get up, a couple of entirely unnecessary toilet trips.

“Daddy, I just want to tell you…” (her little brain still thinking of what that might be)

Then finally, quiet from her room. Sleep.

And then the only remaining hard part. The bit between the day and sleep.

The bit when your phone notifications are off but your eyes are still on a screen. A beep. Maybe even a message. A like, an emoji. I’ll take anything.

I stayed awake till two Saturday morning. I just needed more of it.

Everything. EVERYTHING.

Really, *everything* is better.

Except this bit.