Today

I made Mexican for us.

Pulled pork, fresh salsa, guacamole.

We were going to make our own tortillas but that went wrong.

I’d bought them ready-made but making them is the little one’s favourite part. She volunteered to go to the shop on her own to buy lard, flour and baking powder.

She did it too.

But we messed it up. Somehow it didn’t all stick together. We resorted to using the shop-bought ones and they were fine.

Earlier she’d played football. They lost. They always lose but they’re a great bunch of kids and little one did me proud. There was a setback and then she pulled it round and worked and impressed and came out smiling.

I chatted with the other mums and dads. One said she noticed that my daughter is always smiling.

The coach sent me a note to say how well she did.

Friday night she had her first sleepover since we moved back to England with a friend stopping the night. They both slept on camp beds in the front room.

Thursday night I went to see her teacher.

She called daughter - “Little Miss Independent with a Heart of Gold.”

Anything bad to report?

Nothing at all.

My work contract was extended by six months. It’s still not permanent but I can kick the anxiety of being out of work way past Christmas.

Tonight?

Tonight, I’ve had a drink.

Two.

I normally manage about two a week.

And I’m happy.

And for the first time in a long long time this existence doesn’t feel like I’m just going through the motions.

And life doesn’t feel like it’s never going to live up to what it was before.

And there’s a chance I’m not such a loser.

And maybe I might be doing some things right.